I can change the world/I will be the sunlight in your universe

It has been a long time since I’ve shared my writing here. I made room for a lot of growth this summer. It was scary and delicious. I’m a little delusional right now, I’ve had not a lot of sleep over the past few days, and I love that.

I learned from the Evolving Out Loud event that I went to to just revel in all the sensations and feelings I have: to acknowledge them and be with them, good or bad, and to just love all the things.

For example, today I had to work brunch after doing a 3 hour gig last night. I had gotten less than four hours of sleep, and to top that off, started my lady time today. I didn’t feel good, nor did I particularly want to work a full brunch shift, but I acknowledged, and also knew that that was going to be my reality today, and I love that. The people I work with are awesome, we had a solid team, and I got to make some money. I’ve had days that were much worse than today. Today actually wasn’t bad at all! My body is just achey, and I want some personal time.

I’m getting in touch with the universe, or trying to. I am excited because I will be teaching either music or yoga every afternoon this Fall. For the past 2 years, I taught maybe one day/week sometimes. Then, over the past.. roughly 6 weeks, all of these opportunities started to present themselves:

  1. About a year ago, I was reading Austin Fit magazine while waiting to get a massage, and I discovered that Kids Yoga studios existed, and not only that, but they existed right HERE in Austin, Texas. I signed up for Teacher Training, and then for aerial training a few months after that. I knew these were things that I wanted to do. And then, after months of just wishing and sending my energy in that direction, a position opened up. I start my first semester-long yoga course tomorrow. I am overjoyed.
  2. I started applying for music teaching positions after putting in my notice with Stargazer Productions that I wanted to ease out of the cover band scene, or at least doing it full time. So, back in February, I got hired at a music school here in Austin to teach a toddler class one morning a week. I spent a few months subbing for sick or out of town voice teachers, and then at the start of summer, was offered a regular teaching day. Fast forward 2 months, and this week, I have set days at all 3 locations.

I have had to turn down work this summer– either really cool gigs or teaching jobs that I wanted to do– because so many of the things that I do and have spent time practicing and cultivating started needing someone of my knowledge and energy. I am sharing this more out of awe than anything.

Kyle Cease is right: there are so many ways to make money. After his EOL event, I bought his Entrepreneurial Shift program on my way out of the event. The reason I picked that particular one is because, on top of everything else, I also decided over this summer to start my own health and wellness business through Arbonne. And it’s been such a challenge, but it’s helping me break out of my comfort zone and talk to people again. I’m also sharing all of these awesome things that I love. And I really think that a lot of these opportunities that have presented themselves are because of the people I’ve been spending my time and energy with. I really think energy is a huge thing. I believe that the energy you spend on yourself and the kind of energy you are willing to put into the people around you comes back to you.

My point being, Kyle Cease is right. On Day 1 of his Entrepreneurial program he says, “Be authentic. Let go of things that don’t align with you. You’re always measuring what you’ll lose, you can’t see what you will gain.”

And I’m sharing this now because there’s this teetering inside of me that wants to quit my service industry job. It’s something that I talk about often enough to know that it needs to be done. I have fear around quitting because basically since I graduated college– 6 years ago, I have worked at least part time in either restaurants or bars because I would always work a part time job that I DID love– whether it be with children or with music. The service industry allowed me to have disposable income. And it also brought wonderful people into my life. I’ve had a lot of really awesome moments and encounters while waiting tables, and even sometimes, bartending.

But, now all these other things are happening because I’ve made room for them. And I feel like I’m always reducing the number of shifts that I work. But now I’m teaching the things– the kinds of classes and the kinds of lessons I’ve always wanted to teach. And I’m a new teacher so the pay is a little lower than it’s going to be, and I also don’t have as many students and I know I’m capable of taking on. And my gigging calendar is pretty consistent throughout September and October. And the free time I do have, I want to spend it on growing my business and sharing my products with people because I really do love them and I believe that they can help people.

I just think that the 10-20 hours/week I currently spend waiting tables could be spent growing my business, and then I’d actually have free time for myself. I am just terrified of having to pinch pennies for awhile. The service industry provides immediate cash flow, whereas when you’re growing a business, a lot of waiting is involved. But look at everything else I wrote— the waiting is totally worth it.

I feel that I need to let go to make room for things. I’ll be letting go of immediate needs, but I can’t see what I’ll gain. I just have a taste.

I’ve been thinking about this xanga entry (when that was a thing) I wrote about three and a half years ago, when I was at a different crossroads: deciding whether or not to accept the loans that UT Austin had offered me, and move halfway across the country from San Francisco to go to grad school for music education.

I decided to decline the loan offers, but move anyway, become a Texas resident, and reapply so as to cut tuition.

It’s crazy how plans change. My energy and goal was the same: be around kids and be around music, hopefully all at the same time. I tried the grad school thing. It wasn’t right for me at the time I did it– again, because there were so many other opportunities I was taking advantage of at the same time that I was more interesting in focusing on.

Anyways, this is what I wanted to share because it makes me happy that this was and will probably always be my goal:

Tuesday April 9, 2013

Ideally, if I could tailor a job for myself, I would teach yoga to kids in a library where music is constantly played, and books and instruments and pencils are paper are available at our disposal for when our minds start to wander. But places like that don’t exist, and from what experience has taught me, if they did, they would only offer voluntary jobs.”



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