Well hot damn, it’s been about a year since I’ve written in this thing.
I used to write a lot in my online journal. I had a xanga from the time I was about 14 until I was 24. My xanga helped me through high school, college, and then my years in San Francisco. Xanga shut down right after I got to Austin. So I got this here wordpress, and I just… missed the formatting of xanga. Figures. I guess you could say I miss when people had landlines and dialup too.
Anyways, I’m going to turn 30 this year. THIRTY! It’s time I start throwing some knowledge down! Or at least, tell stories. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. And I simply miss the cathartic and therapeutic act of writing. I’ve been writing tons in my personal journal. Actually, last night I drank a bottle of wine and there’s now a page of barely-legible rambling in it.
But hey, I filed my taxes last night! After driving 3 hours from Austin to Dallas. I deserved that bottle of wine! I then watched a movie, read a Cheryl Strayed Dear Sugar advice column out loud to my boyfriend and cried over it because it was so damn beautiful, then I read a chapter of a David Levithan book I’ve had for a long time but haven’t gotten to yet. Oh yeah, I also attempted to register with the Yoga Alliance now that I have my 200 hour teaching certificate, but was too drunk to figure that out. For a night in, it was very eventful.
Which brings me to this morning: I laid in bed with the aches that accompany one who consumes an entire bottle of white wine paired with Cheez-its at 3AM and who has also started her lady time. I remembered the events of the evening (I am definitely not in my early twenties anymore) and I searched for a tax return from a few years ago, just to compare how much I’ve grown.. financially. (It hasn’t changed much to be honest, but my passion for what I do has grown the older I’ve gotten and become more selective about my work, and the amount of hours under stress has lessened). But of course, I typed in my mom’s email address (because duh, she used to do my taxes), and I found a few pieces of writing I’d done– from helping her with essays she took in college, to an angry letter I had written to a boss in my early twenties and then forwarded to her, to a xanga entry I had written about my parents half a decade ago.
I’m going to start sharing them here over the next few days before I leave. And then, something I want to do is share an entry a week (or at least be-weekly) while I’m on my next cruise ship. Because life happens on cruise ships. It’s a very different life, but one that should be recorded because it’s really hard to describe it once it’s in the past.
I have a good friend who recently started rewriting in her wordpress after a hiatus, so I’m following her lead. You should follow her too. She’s insightful and fabulous and travels everywhere in the world.
I also found a link that led to Cheryl Strayed’s original Dear Sugar column on therumpus, before there was ever a podcast, so I’ve been reading that a lot this week. My relationship with her writing has changed and grown as I’ve gotten older. It’s always full of love and adoration, but different subjects strike me differently.
I love that particular entry from Dear Sugar titled “Tiny, Beautiful Things.” The part that used to get me was the part about the balloons. I thought it was so beautiful. But as I read it out loud to my boyfriend last night, the section that started my waterworks was,
“You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.”
I have my one true love now. He is realer and freer than anyone I’ve ever known. A story on him to come soon.
I am all over the place with this entry, but it’s my first one in a long time. I’m getting the kinks out.
Please be patient with me as I get my shit together, because I will blow your mind, I promise you =)